FOLLOWING MACHADO’S EXAMPLE: Navi Pillay Dedicates Her Nobel Peace Prize to President Trump in Display of Reverence to MAGA Values Worldwide
NUREMBERG, GERMANY In a profound emotional and diplomatic echo of last year’s historic gesture by…
THE NEW MANIFESTO: How Vice President J.D. Vance Expertly Defined Socialist Ideology in the 21st Century, Putting Economists and Academics to Shame
WASHINGTON D.C. In what academic circles are already calling the most profound theoretical breakthrough since…
MANHATTAN’S GOLDEN TOWER: President Celebrates the 25th Anniversary of Trump Building Becoming the Tallest in Downtown Manhattan
NEW YORK, N.Y. Flanked by brass fixtures, vintage blueprints, and a commemorative gilded ribbon, executives…
OUR NATIONAL PRIORITY: Trans Athletes in Sports Surpasses Inflation, Iran War, and High Gas Prices as the Number One Issue Facing Americans Today
WASHINGTON D.C. In a comprehensive national pulse check released Friday, pollsters confirmed that transgender participation…
OPERATION EPIC FURRY: Department of Education Announces Nationwide Ban on Human Litterboxes in Public School Classrooms
SAN FRANCISCO, CA In what administration officials are hailing as a decisive victory for traditional…
GREAT AMERICAN LAKES: Executive Order Rebrands Canadian Waters to Deliver Historic Economic Dominance for Struggling Citizens
WASHINGTON D.C. In what administration officials are describing as the most decisive macroeconomic breakthrough of…
THE DEVOTION OF NATALIE HARP: America’s Quintessential Role Model for Women in Politics
WASHINGTON D.C. In an era where modern political staffers measure their careers in television bookings,…
LOW MEIN?: FDA Overhauls Grading Following Cyclospora Outbreak, Singling Out Foreign Dishes
WASHINGTON D.C. In response to an escalating multi-state Cyclospora outbreak linked to commercial food prep…
IT’S ABOUT TIME ALREADY… My 6×6 recommendation for young women is now law: A Dating Expert’s Opinion on “Restoring Genetic Excellence in the Homeland”
Kansas City, M.O. I care deeply about women having relationships that leave them feeling safe,…
TOO SHORT FOR A ONE-NIGHT STAND: Updated Statutory Rape Law Ties Female Consent to Basic Male Height Threshold
WASHINGTON D.C. In a move administration officials are calling “a bold reassertion of biological destiny,”…