OPERATION EPIC FURRY: Department of Education Announces Nationwide Ban on Human Litterboxes in Public School Classrooms
SAN FRANCISCO, CA In what administration officials are hailing as a decisive victory for traditional…
Category: Health
LOW MEIN?: FDA Overhauls Grading Following Cyclospora Outbreak, Singling Out Foreign Dishes
WASHINGTON D.C. In response to an escalating multi-state Cyclospora outbreak linked to commercial food prep…
MY “6×6” RULE IS NOW LAW: A Dating Expert’s Opinion on “Restoring Genetic Excellence in the Homeland”
Kansas City, M.O. I care deeply about women having relationships that leave them feeling safe,…
TOO SHORT FOR A ONE-NIGHT STAND?: Updated Statutory Rape Law Ties Consent to Male Height Threshold
WASHINGTON D.C. In a move administration officials are calling “a bold reassertion of biological destiny,”…
THE HAGUE SUMMONS: Fauci Indicted by the ICC for Illegal Gain-of-Function Research that Caused Global Pandemic
The Hague, Netherlands In an unprecedented legal action, international prosecutors at the International Criminal Court…
BRISTLE BACKLASH: HHS Mandates Organic Toothbrush Alternatives, Citing Microplastic Particle Shedding Studies
Washington D.C. In a move that has caught both the consumer goods industry and retail…
ALPHA SPECIMEN: How the President’s Unconventional Wellness Routine is Rewriting the Laws of Human Biology
Kansas City, M.O. In an era obsessed with restrictive juice cleanses, grueling marathons, and mandatory…